As a newly relationship’d person (one month, holler!), I’ve started really paying attention to what those bloggers say about them. How to act, what to say, when to do what, etc. There’s lots of merit to what they say. But I’ve been doing nothing but learning about myself, the boy, and our relationship over the past six weeks we’ve been dating. I thought I’d compose my own list because why not? Maybe someone will find it helpful and I always need reminders.
1. There is absolutely nothing wrong with placing your worth in the hands of someone else as long as it’s someone whom you deeply trust and will always love you. This has NOTHING to do with my boy. I place my value in the eyes of my dad a lot of the time. I value his opinion and know that if he sees something wrong, I should probably give myself a once over and reevaluate. Don’t think patriarchy, worthless shit here. This is about keeping yourself honest. If you’re a dick, you aren’t worth respect from others, you feel?
2. It’s not okay to put your happiness in the hands of others. This one I will never budge on. It’s so important to be happy with and without your “other.” Had I not already been super happy with where I am in life, I don’t think our relationship would work.
3. You make your own timeline. We said I love you less than 10 days in and then became “official.” I used to get extremely insecure about this fact and sometimes I still do. I think about how the movies and TV tell us when things are supposed to fall into place and if you don’t follow this magic formula you’re doing it wrong. Fuck all dem. When you feel it, you feel it. Express emotions. They matter.
4. Keep yourself busy. It’s suuuuper easy for me to watch the clock until boy gets off work and that’s kind of not cool. You should never wait to live your life until your other is free. The world is happening while others work, have class, go out with other friends, etc.
5. The things you wear really don’t matter to him/her. This winter has been horrible and I wear the same 2 articles of clothing everyday: leggings and a sweater with boots. I have no other options, really. But I’m hyper-aware of what I’m wearing and what looks right and blah blah blah. I find myself stressing over what to wear when I’m just headed to his place to get naked anyway. It doesn’t matter. If your other cares too much about the things you wear instead of thinking about the body and mind inside of them then they don’t matter anyway.
6. You don’t owe anyone anything. This one works in every aspect. As a person who is not used to relationships, I had no idea what it was like for a guy to like me beyond sex. I was having a bunch of random hookups before boy happened, so naturally, I still kind of hold on to that old mentality. But no, he doesn’t expect sex every night. Yes, it’s totally fine to just cuddle. Part two: you don’t owe anyone an explanation of the way your relationship is going. I kept finding myself explaining to some friends that I love him and they would judge hard-core. I finally just stopped trying to explain myself to people who weren’t happy for me. Everything you do should be for you.
That’s all I have so far. I’m sure I’ll add to this list as time goes on.